E ssay #3-Final Draft- Wanted: Successful Student Writers

The English language is not an easy thing to master. If you take a look at different pieces of professional writing you would probably see a difference in the ways the authors present their information. If you talk to different teachers they will give you different information. So who’s right? How is a student supposed to learn how to write when there is so much conflicting information?

Every English teacher I have ever had has different ideas of what is really important when it comes to writing. Some have said that organization is the key, some think it is a strong thesis, some say it is grammar and punctuation, while others say it is presenting an argument, and supporting it. In my current class my teacher thinks that writing for an audience and maintaining a voice is the most important thing. In other classes I have had, teachers don’t even care as much about how the information is presented, just that it is presented at all. I have had classes where the teacher has written their own text book, and technically it is horribly written to the point that it is almost unreadable. So how is a student writer supposed to write to please their teachers if there are no overall rules to follow? I am a student and a writer, and I get confused of how to please my teachers while completing my assignments. So what advice would I give to other students? I would tell them that all of these things, about writing, that all of my teachers have told me over the years are equally important. If you don’t present an argument then the grammar doesn’t really mean anything, while if you use terrible grammar your argument may not be understood. To complete any assignment, in school, it is important to first understand what the assignment is, and what that specific teacher expects. Then the rest will come by using good organization, and making a clear, strong argument. It is important to maintain your own voice by presenting your information clearly, and then supporting it through the use of information from others that agree with you. Revision is also a very important aspect of writing because it allows you to go back as many times as you need to, making your assignment better each time. Not one of these processes is more important than the other, for they all complete the pieces of the writing puzzle.

Writing starts with having a voice. It is a conversation with an audience, even though you do not always know who that audience will be. Whether you are saying it out loud or posting it on a blog you are still the one saying whatever is being said, and that is important. Your voice is your voice and no one else’s, although in an academic situation sometimes you have to tone it down a little. In school we usually know who our audience is; the teacher. The teacher/audience is going to give you a grade so it is important to include the required information, but the way that you do that depends on you.

Early on in my educational career I had a teacher who asked us to write a paper on the subject of race. He was insistent that we did not touch on the subject of racism, but I felt that how could I talk about race without talking about racism. While researching for my assignment I found many people throughout history that said that the concept of race existed solely because of racism. Racism was the reason that people felt the need to classify people into races; it was to create a sense of superiority. I included ideas of racism anyways, and when I got my paper back from the teacher there was no grade and a note that said please come see me. I did and he told me I did not follow the assignment, and he would allow me to redo it. I said no because I felt that my argument was just, and the information that I used to maintain my argument was information that I got from him. I asked him why would he give us these articles, which include concepts of racism, if he did not expect us to use them? He was shocked by this and got angry. I then reminded him of how he had taught me to use my voice, and I did that. Whether he agreed with what I had to say or not didn’t matter because it was my essay, and I was not going to let him stifle my voice. That would go against everything he taught me. He was even more shocked, but he thought about it and said I was right. He reread my essay and said I made an interesting argument, and that he had not thought about it that way before. I got an A, and I maintained myself in the process. The moral of the story, be strong, don’t write something just because you have to. Make it interesting, and find something about the assignment that you want to talk about; the stronger the feelings, the stronger the voice, the stronger the assignment.

Now that you have a voice you need to give strength to it, and you can achieve this through the use of quotes from other sources that support what you trying to say. If you just ramble a bunch of thoughts onto a page, then people might ask who are you, or what makes you an authority? But if you give examples from other people then your reader will see that there are others, and you are not alone in the way you feel about things. In They Say, I Say Gerald Graff, Cathy Birkenstien, and Russel Durst say that giving support adds to the conversation. They say “that to give writing the most important thing of all—namely, a point— a writer needs to indicate clearly not only his or her thesis, but also what larger conversation that thesis is responding to.” They say the best way to do this is by providing support from other individuals. It is also important to use quotes that are directly related to your topic, and it is information that you understand.

In my experience, when I was an English tutor, many students would put quotes into their essays without truly understanding the point of the author. This just causes your argument to become vague, and confusing. Don’t just use information because you think it sounds intelligent, or the author used big words. It is important to use information that is meaningful to you. That when you read it, it caused the wheels in your brain to turn, and gave you inspiration. Sometimes this is the hardest part of completing an essay because it might take a lot of research to find the supporting information you need. In Ways of Reading An Anthology for Writers David Bartholomae and Anthony Petrosky say “one of the difficult things about reading is that the pages before you will begin to speak only when the authors are silent and you begin to speak in their place, sometimes for them—doing their work, continuing their projects—and sometimes for yourself, following your own agenda.” For students, most of the reading we do is for our own agenda because we need to complete assignments, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t find some kind of inspiration from what you are reading. Try to look for something that does cause you to think while you are reading. That is why we are students in the first place; to learn and expand our minds.

The next important piece of the puzzle is the way you organize it. Puzzle pieces only fit together one way, and it is the same for writing. An essay needs to have flow, and the only way to have that is by organizing your ideas into groupings. When you organize your file cabinet you wouldn’t, or shouldn’t, put your tax returns with your bank statements, instead you would make a separate folder for each, and an essay is the same way. A paragraph should only contain information that is relevant to that topic, and the topic sentence should reflect what that paragraph is going to be about. Graff, Birkenstein, and Durst say “The best compositions establish a sense of momentum and direction by making explicit connections among their different parts, so that what is said in one sentence (or paragraph) not only sets up what is to come but is clearly informed by what has already been said.” You achieve this through organization, and I find the best way for me to do this is by making an outline.

When I create an outline I first think about what is my thesis, and what I call, my mini thesis’s, which are the sub-topics of my body paragraphs. Once I have done this I know how many body paragraphs I will need to complete my essay. Next, I try to come up with a hook, which will be my first sentence and will, hopefully, draw my reader into my conversation. I do this for each paragraph, but for my body paragraphs I try to tie that first sentence to the last sentence of the previous paragraph to create direction, and flow. Now that I have a basic frame for my puzzle, I just let the information pour out onto the page, emptying all the relevant information from my mind, and allowing it to be transformed into the written word. I try to keep my information as organized as possible, but sometimes it is just rambling. This is OK. You can fix this quite easily, through the process of revision.

This last point I can’t stress enough; REVISE, REVISE, REVISE! There has never been a writer in the history of writers that has not revised their writing. In Shitty First Drafts Anne Lamont says “The first draft is the child’s draft, where you let it all pour out and then let it romp all over the place, knowing that no one is going to see it and that you can shape it later. You just let this childlike part of you channel whatever voices and visions come through and onto the page.” It is impossible to write something the first time and not have mistakes. We are human, and we make errors, but the great thing is errors can be fixed. You just have to find them, and that requires you to re-read your work. You can do this as many times as you want, making your paper better and better every time you do it. I, personally, like to sit in a room by myself and read my paper out load. I feel like hearing it out load helps me catch run-on sentences, grammar and punctuation errors, and lets me know if I have created an over-all clarity to my paper. Every writer does it, so in this situation; conform because sometimes conformity is a good thing. It definitely is when it comes to the process of revision. I promise you if you really focus on your revision process your grade will improve, maybe even change from a B to an A.

In the past, I did not focus on revision as much as I should have, and my grade definitely reflected that fact. There were times when I was sitting in class the day my assignment was due, looking it over, and I would see some stupid mistake that could have been fixed in less than a minute. I would be so angry because I knew that this was going to affect my grade, or cause me to have to complete some extra assignment that I could have avoided completely, if I had just read my paper one more time before I printed it out. Revision is not just a process of checking for run-on sentences, or grammar mistakes, it is also about checking for content. While you’re re-reading you want to make sure you are thinking about the argument you are trying to make, and that it is forming clearly as your paper progresses. Also, think about flow and repetition. Are you enjoying reading your paper? If you’re not, then nobody else is going to either; don’t bore or confuse your reader. You want them to remember and understand what you have written when they reach the last word. If they don’t then this page is going to be filed in the trash which would be very bad if you were hoping to receive nice comments and a good grade.

In Revision Strategies of Student Writers and Experienced Adult Writers Nancy Sommers says “students are aware of lexical repetition but not conceptual repetition. Because students do not see revision as an activity in which they modify and develop perspectives and ideas, they feel that if they know what they want to say, then there is little reason for making revisions.” Sommers says that this is what sets student writers apart from the experienced because they don’t understand the importance of revision, and all that is involved in the process. When I was a tutor, I found the biggest reason that students didn’t revise was laziness, and maybe a little anxiety. It’s ok, I am guilty of this myself. After you have worked on an essay you just want it to be done, and sometimes you are just sick of thinking about that topic. My suggestion is; find somebody else to read it over for you, or with you, but make sure that it is somebody who has some knowledge about writing, such as a teacher (yes, there are a few that will do this), a tutor (there free on campus), or a friend in the class who maybe did well on the last assignment. Going over your assignment with someone else can strike new interest in the subject through verbal conversation, or relieve anxiety through reassurance or help.

Now, just breathe, and know that it is going to be ok, or can be. Just remember to have fun, or try. Writing can be very rewarding when you produce something you like. If you like it then other people probably will to. When you’re a student this is a good thing because it means that you have pleased your audience which is your instructor, but you also can take pleasure in your assignment because you pleased yourself. You accomplished the most important thing; you learned something that will be useful in the future. A few other points that I can make, which are minor but still important; are watch out for you comma usage (if you’re not sure then don’t do it), look for ways to connect your sentences through the use of words like although, which, therefore, however, etc. (these words help create flow), and don’t be afraid to use personal examples that relate to your topic (it’s your paper, so it’s ok to use yourself as a source.) Ask for help, most teachers that you will encounter in your educational career are happy to help. This is why they teach and the schools pay their salaries, so take advantage of it when you can. Your money is at stake as well, so spend it wisely. I have been lucky in the past to have had teachers who have provided this assistance to me, but I had to speak up and ask for help. I, in time, became a proficient writer, but it took practice, and motivation to learn. I am still not perfect though, and no writer is, no matter how long they have been doing it. So relax, take pride in your writing, put a little thought behind it, and the puzzle will come together.

Essay #3- 3rd Draft

Wanted: Successful Student Writers
The English language is not an easy thing to master. If you take a look at different pieces of professional writing you would probably see a difference in the ways the authors present their information. If you talk to different teachers they will give you different information. So who’s right? How is a student supposed to learn how to write when there is so much conflicting information? Every English teacher I have ever had has different ideas of what is really important when it comes to writing. Some have said that organization is the key, some think it is a strong thesis, some say it is grammar and punctuation, while others say it is presenting an argument, and supporting it. In my current class my teacher thinks that writing for an audience and maintaining a voice is the most important thing. In other classes I have had, teachers don’t even care as much about how the information is presented, just that it is presented at all. I have had classes where the teacher has written their own text book, and technically it is horribly written to the point that it is almost unreadable. So how is a student writer supposed to write to please their teachers if there are no overall rules to follow? I am a student and a writer, and I get confused of how to please my teachers while completing my assignments. So what advice would I give to other students? I would tell them that all of these things, about writing, that all of my teachers have told me over the years are equally important. If you don’t present an argument then the grammar doesn’t really mean anything, while if you use terrible grammar your argument may not be understood. To complete any assignment, in school, it is important to first understand what the assignment is, and what that specific teacher expects. Then the rest will come by using good organization, and making a clear, strong argument. It is important to maintain your own voice by presenting your information clearly, and then supporting it through the use of information from others that agree with you. Revision is also a very important aspect of writing because it allows you to go back as many times as you need to, making your assignment better each time. Not one of these processes is more important than the other, for they all complete the pieces of the writing puzzle.
Writing starts with having a voice. It is a conversation with an audience, even though you do not always know who that audience will be. Whether you are saying it out loud or posting it on a blog you are still the one saying whatever is being said, and that is important. Your voice is your voice and no one else’s, although in an academic situation sometimes you have to tone it down a little. In school we usually know who our audience is; the teacher. The teacher/audience is going to give you a grade so it is important to include the required information, but the way that you do that depends on you. Early on in my educational career I had a teacher who asked us to write a paper on the subject of race. He was insistent that we did not touch on the subject of racism, but I felt that how could I talk about race without talking about racism. While researching for my assignment I found many people throughout history that said that the concept of race existed solely because of racism. Racism was the reason that people felt the need to classify people into races; it was to create a sense of superiority. I included ideas of racism anyways, and when I got my paper back from the teacher there was no grade and a note that said please come see me. I did and he told me I did not follow the assignment, and he would allow me to redo it. I said no because I felt that my argument was just, and the information that I used to maintain my argument was information that I got from him. I asked him why would he give us these articles, which include concepts of racism, if he did not expect us to use them? He was shocked by this and got angry. I then reminded him of how he had taught me to use my voice, and I did that. Whether he agreed with what I had to say or not didn’t matter because it was my essay, and I was not going to let him stifle my voice. That would go against everything he taught me. He was even more shocked, but he thought about it and said I was right. He reread my essay and said I made an interesting argument, and that he had not thought about it that way before. I got an A, and I maintained myself in the process. The moral of the story, be strong, don’t write something just because you have to. Make it interesting, and find something about the assignment that you want to talk about; the stronger the feelings, the stronger the voice, the stronger the assignment.
Now that you have a voice you need to give strength to it, and you can achieve this through the use of quotes from other sources that support what you trying to say. If you just ramble a bunch of thoughts onto a page, then people might ask who are you, or what makes you an authority? But if you give examples from other people then your reader will see that there are others, and you are not alone in the way you feel about things. In They Say, I Say Gerald Graff, Cathy Birkenstien, and Russel Durst say that giving support adds to the conversation. They say “that to give writing the most important thing of all—namely, a point— a writer needs to indicate clearly not only his or her thesis, but also what larger conversation that thesis is responding to.” They say the best way to do this is by providing support from other individuals. It is also important to use quotes that are directly related to your topic, and it is information that you understand. In my experience, when I was an English tutor, many students would put quotes into their essays without truly understanding the point of the author. This just causes your argument to become vague, and confusing. Don’t just use information because you think it sounds intelligent, or the author used big words. It is important to use information that is meaningful to you. That when you read it, it caused the wheels in your brain to turn, and gave you inspiration. Sometimes this is the hardest part of completing an essay because it might take a lot of research to find the supporting information you need. In Ways of Reading An Anthology for Writers David Bartholomae and Anthony Petrosky say “one of the difficult things about reading is that the pages before you will begin to speak only when the authors are silent and you begin to speak in their place, sometimes for them—doing their work, continuing their projects—and sometimes for yourself, following your own agenda.” For students, most of the reading we do is for our own agenda because we need to complete assignments, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t find some kind of inspiration from what you are reading. Try to look for something that does cause you to think while you are reading. That is why we are students in the first place; to learn and expand our minds.
The next important piece of the puzzle is the way you organize it. Puzzle pieces only fit together one way, and it is the same for writing. An essay needs to have flow, and the only way to have that is by organizing your ideas into groupings. When you organize your file cabinet you wouldn’t, or shouldn’t, put your tax returns with your bank statements, instead you would make a separate folder for each, and an essay is the same way. A paragraph should only contain information that is relevant to that topic, and the topic sentence should reflect what that paragraph is going to be about. Graff, Birkenstein, and Durst say “The best compositions establish a sense of momentum and direction by making explicit connections among their different parts, so that what is said in one sentence (or paragraph) not only sets up what is to come but is clearly informed by what has already been said.” You achieve this through organization, and I find the best way for me to do this is by making an outline. When I create an outline I first think about what is my thesis, and what I call, my mini thesis’s, which are the sub-topics of my body paragraph. Once I have done this I know how many body paragraphs I will need to complete my essay. Next I try to come up with a hook, which will be my first sentence and will, hopefully, draw my reader into my conversation. I do this for each paragraph, but for my body paragraphs I try to tie that first sentence to the last sentence of the previous paragraph to create direction, and flow. Now that I have a basic frame for my puzzle, I just let the information pour out onto the page, emptying all the relevant information for my mind, and allowing it to be transformed into the written word. I try to keep my information as organized as possible, but sometimes it is just rambling. This is OK. You can fix this quite easily, through the process of revision.
This last point I can’t stress enough; REVISE, REVISE, REVISE! There has never been a writer in the history of writers that has not revised their writing. In Shitty First Drafts Anne Lamont says “The first draft is the child’s draft, where you let it all pour out and then let it romp all over the place, knowing that no one is going to see it and that you can shape it later. You just let this childlike part of you channel whatever voices and visions come through and onto the page.” It is impossible to write something the first time and not have mistakes. We are human, and we make errors, but the great thing is errors can be fixed. You just have to find them, and that requires you to re-read your work. You can do this as many times as you want, making your paper better and better every time you do it. I, personally, like to sit in a room by myself and read my paper out load. I feel like hearing it out load helps me catch run-on sentences, grammar and punctuation errors, and if I have created an over-all clarity to my paper. Every writer does it, so in this situation; conform because sometimes conformity is a good thing. It definitely is when it comes to the process of revision. I promise you if you really focus on your revision process your grade will improve, maybe even change from a B to an A. In the past, I did not focus on revision as much as I should have, and my grade definitely reflected that fact. There were times when I was sitting in class the day my assignment was due, looking it over, and I would see some stupid mistake that could have been fixed in less than a minute. I would be so angry because I knew that this was going to affect my grade, or cause me to have to complete some extra assignment that I could have avoided completely, if I had just read my paper one more time before I printed it out. Revision is not just a process of checking for run-on sentences, or grammar mistakes, it is also about checking for content. While you’re re-reading you want to make sure you are thinking about the argument you are trying to make, and that it is forming clearly as your paper progresses. Also, think about flow and repetition. Are you enjoying reading your paper? If you’re not, then nobody else is going to either; don’t bore or confuse your reader. You want them to remember and understand what you have written when they reach the last word. If they don’t then this page is going to be filed in the trash which would be very bad if you were hoping to receive nice comments and a good grade. In Revision Strategies of Student Writers and Experienced Adult Writers Nancy Sommers says “students are aware of lexical repetition but not conceptual repetition. Because students do not see revision as an activity in which they modify and develop perspectives and ideas, they feel that if they know what they want to say, then there is little reason for making revisions. Sommers says that this is what sets student writers apart from the experience because they don’t understand the importance of revision, all that is involved in the process. When I was a tutor, I found the biggest reason that students didn’t revise was laziness, and maybe a little anxiety. It’s ok, I am guilty of this myself. After you have worked on an essay you just want it to be done, and sometimes you are just sick of thinking about that topic. My suggestion is; find somebody else to read it over for you, or with you, but make sure that it is somebody who has some knowledge about writing, such as a teacher (yes, there are a few that will do this), a tutor (there free on campus), or a friend in the class who maybe did well on the last assignment. Going over your assignment with someone else can strike new interest in the subject through verbal conversation, or relieve anxiety through reassurance or help.
Now just breathe, and know that it is going to be ok, or can be. Just remember to have fun, or try. Writing can be very rewarding when you produce something you like. If you like it then other people probably will to. When you’re a student this is a good thing because it means that you have pleased your audience which is your instructor, but you also can take pleasure in your assignment because you pleased yourself. You accomplished the most important thing; you learned something that will be useful in the future. A few other points that I can make, which are minor but still important, are watch out for you comma usage (if you’re not sure then don’t do it), look for ways to connect your sentences through the use of words like although, which, therefore, however, etc. and don’t be afraid to use personal examples that relate to your topic (it’s your paper, so it’s ok to use yourself as a source.) Ask for help, most teachers that you will encounter in your educational career are happy to help. This is why they teach and the schools pay their salaries, so take advantage of it when you can. Your money is at stake as well, so spend it wisely. I have been lucky in the past to have had teachers who provide this assistance to me, but I had to speak up and ask for help. I, in time, became a proficient writer, but it took practice, and motivation to learn. I am still not perfect though, and no writer is, no matter how long they have been doing it. So relax, take pride in your writing, put a little thought behind it, and the puzzle will come together.

Essay #3- 2nd Draft

Writing
The English language is not an easy thing to master. If you take a look at different pieces of professional writing you would probably see a difference in the ways the authors present their information. If you talk to different teachers they will give you different information. So who’s right? How is a student supposed to learn how to write when there is so much conflicting information? Every English teacher I have ever had has different ideas of what is really important when it comes to writing. Some have said that organization is the key, some think it is a strong thesis, some say it is grammar and punctuation, while others say it is presenting an argument, and supporting it. In my current class my teacher thinks that writing for an audience and maintaining a voice is the most important thing. In other classes I have had, teachers don’t even care as much about how the information is presented, just that it is presented at all. I have had classes where the teacher has written their own text book, and technically it is horribly written to the point that it is almost unreadable. So how is a student writer supposed to write to please their teachers if there are no overall rules to follow? I am a student and a writer, and I get confused of how to please my teachers while completing my assignments. So what advice would I give to other students? I would tell them that all of these things, about writing, that all of my teachers have told me over the years are equally important. If you don’t present an argument then the grammar doesn’t really mean anything, while if you use terrible grammar your argument may not be understood. To complete any assignment, in school, it is important to first understand what the assignment is, and what that specific teacher expects. Then the rest will come by using good organization, and making a clear, strong argument. It is important to maintain your own voice by presenting your information clearly, and then supporting it through the use of information from others that agree with you. Revision is also a very important aspect of writing because it allows you to go back as many times as you need to, making your assignment better each time. Not one of these processes is more important than the other, for they all complete the pieces of the writing puzzle.
Writing starts with having a voice. It is a conversation with an audience, even though you do not always know who that audience will be. Whether you are saying it out loud or posting it on a blog you are still the one saying whatever is being said, and that is important. Your voice is your voice and no one else’s, although in an academic situation sometimes you have to tone it down a little. In school we usually know who our audience is; the teacher. The teacher/audience is going to give you a grade so it is important to include the required information, but the way that you do that depends on you. Early on in my educational career I had a teacher who asked us to write a paper on the subject of race. He was insistent that we did not touch on the subject of racism, but I felt that how could I talk about race without talking about racism. While researching for my assignment I found many people throughout history that said that the concept of race existed solely because of racism. Racism was the reason that people felt the need to classify people into races; it was to create a sense of superiority. I included ideas of racism anyways, and when I got my paper back from the teacher there was no grade and a note that said please come see me. I did and he told me I did not follow the assignment, and he would allow me to redo it. I said no because I felt that my argument was just, and the information that I used to maintain my argument was information that I got from him. I asked him why would he give us these articles, which include concepts of racism, if he did not expect us to use them? He was shocked by this and got angry. I then reminded him of how he had taught me to use my voice, and I did that. Whether he agreed with what I had to say or not didn’t matter because it was my essay, and I was not going to let him stifle my voice. That would go against everything he taught me. He was even more shocked, but he thought about it and said I was right. He reread my essay and said I made an interesting argument, and that he had not thought about it that way before. I got an A, and I maintained myself in the process. The moral of the story, be strong, don’t write something just because you have to. Make it interesting, and find something about the assignment that you want to talk about; the stronger the feelings, the stronger the voice, the stronger the assignment.
Now that you have a voice you need to give strength to it, and you can achieve this through the use of quotes from other sources that support what you trying to say. If you just ramble a bunch of thoughts onto a page, then people might ask who are you, or what makes you an authority? But if you give examples from other people then your reader will see that there are others, and you are not alone in the way you feel about things. In They Say, I Say Gerald Graff, Cathy Birkenstien, and Russel Durst say that giving support adds to the conversation. They say “that to give writing the most important thing of all—namely, a point— a writer needs to indicate clearly not only his or her thesis, but also what larger conversation that thesis is responding to.” They say the best way to do this is by providing support from other individuals. It is also important to use quotes that are directly related to your topic, and it is information that you understand. In my experience, when I was an English tutor, many students would put quotes into their essays without truly understanding the point of the author. This just causes your argument to become vague, and confusing. Don’t just use information because you think it sounds intelligent, or the author used big words. It is important to use information that is meaningful to you. That when you read it, it caused the wheels in your brain to turn, and gave you inspiration. Sometimes this is the hardest part of completing an essay because it might take a lot of research to find the supporting information you need. In Ways of Reading An Anthology for Writers David Bartholomae and Anthony Petrosky say “one of the difficult things about reading is that the pages before you will begin to speak only when the authors are silent and you begin to speak in their place, sometimes for them—doing their work, continuing their projects—and sometimes for yourself, following your own agenda.” For students, most of the reading we do is for our own agenda because we need to complete assignments, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t find some kind of inspiration from what you are reading. Try to look for something that does cause you to think while you are reading. That is why we are students in the first place; to learn and expand our minds.
The next important piece of the puzzle is the way you organize it. Puzzle pieces only fit together one way, and it is the same for writing. An essay needs to have flow, and the only way to have that is by organizing your ideas into groupings. When you organize your file cabinet you wouldn’t, or shouldn’t, put your tax returns with your bank statements, instead you would make a separate folder for each, and an essay is the same way. A paragraph should only contain information that is relevant to that topic, and the topic sentence should reflect what that paragraph is going to be about.

Essay #3- 1st Draft- Writing for Education?

The English language is not an easy thing to master. If you take a look at different pieces of professional writing you would probably see difference in the ways the authors present their information. If you talk to different teachers they will give you different information. So who’s right? How is a student supposed to learn how to write when there is so much conflicting information? Every English teacher I have ever had has different ideas of what is really important when it comes to writing. Some have said that organization is the key, some think it is a strong thesis, some say it is grammar and punctuation, while others say it is presenting an argument, and supporting it. In my current class my teacher thinks that writing for an audience and maintaining a voice is the most important thing. In other classes I have had, teachers don’t even care as much about how the information is presented, just that it is presented at all. I have had classes where the teacher has written their own text book, and technically it is horribly written to the point that it is almost unreadable. So how is a student writer supposed to write to please their teachers if there are no overall rules to follow? I am a student and a writer and I get confused of how to please my teachers while completing my assignments. So what advice would I give to other students? I would tell them that all of the things about writing that all of the teachers have told me over the years are equally important. If you don’t present an argument then the grammar doesn’t really mean anything, while if you use terrible grammar your argument may not be understood. To complete any assignment in school it is important to first understand what the assignment is, and what that specific teacher expects. Then the rest will come by using good organization, and making a clear, strong argument. It is important to maintain your own voice by presenting your information clearly, and then supporting it through the use of information from others that agree with you. Revision is also a very important aspect of writing because it allows you to go back as many times as you need to, making your assignment better each time. Not one of these processes is more important than the other, for they all complete the pieces of the writing puzzle.

Writing starts with having a voice. It is a conversation with an audience, even though you do not always know who that audience will be. Whether you are saying it out loud or posting it on a blog you are still the one saying whatever is being said, and that is important. Your voice is your voice and no one else’s, although in a academic situation sometimes you have to tone it down a little. In school we usually no who our audience is; the teacher. The teacher/audience is going to give you a grade so it is important to include the required information, but the way that you do that depends on you. Early on in my educational career I had a teacher who asked us to write a paper on the subject of race. He was insistent that we did not touch on the subject of racism, but I felt that how could I talk about race without talking about racism. While researching for my assignment I found many people throughout history that said that the concept of race exsisted solely because of racism. Racism was the reason that people felt the need to classify people into races; it was to create a sense of superiority. I included ideas of racism anyways, and when I got my paper back from the teacher there was no grade and a note that said please come see me. I did and he told me I did not follow the assignment, and he would allow me to redo it. I said no because I felt that my argument was just, and the information that I used to maintain my argument was information that I got from him. I asked him why would he give us these articles, which include concepts of racism, if he did not expect us to use them? He was shocked by this and got angry. I then reminded him of how he had taught me to use my voice, and I did that. Whether he agreed with what I had to say or not didn’t matter because it was my essay, and I was not going to let him stifle my voice. That would go against everything he taught me. He was even more shocked, but he thought about it and said I was right. He reread my essay and said I made an interesting argument, and that he had not thought about it that way before. I got an A, and I maintained myself in the process. The moral of the story, be strong, don’t write something just because you have to. Make it interesting, and find something about the assignment that you want to talk about; the stronger the feelings, the stronger the voice, the stronger the assignment.

Brainstorming

1. The writing that I do for school is different then other kinds of writing I do because it is usaully more thoughtful. I don't have to write much of anything besides for school. Just a email here or there really, but there is not usaully much context to it.

2. The most important aspect of writing to me is did I make a point and is it claer to the reader. I think my teachers would say the same because they taught me that.

3. The process that I go through when I write starts with an outline; What do I want to say and how do I want to say it. Next I make sure I know how I am going to do that while thinking about what is being asked of me. Then I just write, getting as much information down down as possible without getting lost in my own thoughts. I usually do this step a few times while stopping to read every now and then, and making any revisions that pop out. After all that then I read and revise until I can say ok I want someone else to read this.

4. I think I am a good acidemic writer, or at least I have always gotten good grades and nice comments. I do think I have problems with my thesis. It is not usually clear to my readers exactly, or it is missing some aspect of what is included in my essay.

Essay #3

I have to write an eight page research paper for my Gerontology class. The topic that I chose is how the elderly population contributes to society. The problem that I am having is narrowing down the topic and finding my areas of focus. I am not sure exactly what my thesis is going to be. So far I have thought about that older generations offer history. That their lifes have paved the way for the opportunities younger people like myself have today. That by listening to their stories younger people can possibly learn from those experiences and maybe avoid conflict in their own lifes.

Essay #2- Final Draft

America! The land of opportunity, or is it? Someone who took the time to look at our educational system might not think so. The educational system was set up in this country to educate citizens, so they would be able to participate within society, but over the years that idea has seemed to fade. In “The Educated Student: Global Citizen or Global Consumer?” Benjamin R. Barber points out the importance of education and why our public educational system was developed. He states “Whether you look at Thomas Jefferson in Virginia or John Adams in Massachusetts, there was widespread agreement that the new republic, for all of the cunning of its inventive and experimental new Constitution, could not succeed unless the citizenry was well educated.” Now when you look at our educational system you wonder what that education is really for; do we really get to participate, and if so, how? Many people see education as a way for the government to control citizens than let them actually make changes in this country. John Taylor Gatto says in Against School: How public education cripples our kids, and why, that our educational system actually keeps people from growing up, and creates a bunch of obedient children. Gatto says that “I had more than enough reason to think of our schools with their long-term, cell-block-style, forced confinement of both students and teachers as virtual factories of childness.” I know I don’t look back on my experience in the public schools and get happy thoughts. Instead I look at Gatto’s description and think about my own experience of educational prison! I was never taught to grow up, think for myself, on the other hand I was taught to be dependent on a system that wants me to be that exact way; obedient! During this process of making us subservient citizens we are also keep unequal by our educational system. The way funding is set up to the schools in this country does not provide the opportunity for all schools to be entirely equal because schools are funded mostly by the community they are located in and that may vary significantly from community to community. Financial background has everything to do with the person you will become because it determines the resources that will be available to you. This is why the educational system set up by our government has failed us as Americans in so many ways, for it has created a bunch of obedient servants who are separate not equal.

Over the course of history education has gone through many changes, although it started with a specific goal in mind, which was to prepare children for their futures. Education was something that mainly took place in the home in the days of the settlers, and the education that one would receive would be determined by many factors. It was not the traditional type of education we know of today, rather it was practical. A person learned what they needed to survive. If you were female, you learned to cook and tend to the house. If you were male then you would usually learn the trade of your father, or become an apprentice. As things progressed in our history and we were developing our system of government it was thought that education was a major factor, and when I take a look at our Constitution I know why. The wording alone is enough to confuse the real meaning for me. It was thought by our founding fathers that an educated citizenry would help keep this country in the hands of the people and keep Britain out. They also saw it as a basic right that everyone would be able to obtain, hence public education, funded by a government of the people for the people. But something happened along the way. Over the history of this country education evolved, but not necessarily in a good way.

In the early 1900’s education became more controlling through different theories, or systems of education. Gatto gives examples of events in history that show that our educational system moved toward a system similar to what was already being used in Prussia, which was purposely set up to control citizens in that country. As shocking as this may be it makes sense, and I believe it to be true. Gatto states “But what shocks is that we should so eagerly have adopted one of the very worst aspects of Prussian culture: an educational system deliberately designed to produce mediocre intellects, to hamstring the inner life, to deny students appreciable leadership skills, and to ensure docile and incomplete citizens 11 in order to render the populace “manageable.”” Many “experts,” as well as myself, would agree that our government is trying to keep us manageable. Just think back to first grade and how often you got in trouble for not raising your hand before speaking, or getting up from your desk, even if the teacher was not acknowledging you in the first place. Another reason children get in trouble in school is by stating opinions that vary from the teachers. I can remember being told I was off topic because my views didn’t match that of the teacher, or I was just asking for an expansion of their views. In The Function of the Schools Noam Chomsky says that the model for education today is set up like an educational assembly line. That we don’t encourage our children to think for themselves, but tell them learn this and if you don’t then you’re a behavior problem. So now that we are obedient servants that know nothing, and are kept manageable by our government can it get any worse? The answer is yes it can.

Education is also something that keeps the citizens in this country unequal, and has been for some time because of the way the funds are distributed. Schools in this country are supposed to be funded by property taxes, as well as the tax revenues from local businesses. Anyone can take a look around from city to city and see how that can make a difference in the amount of money schools are getting in each. In basic terms if the city looks good then the schools probably are too, but if it looks bad then most likely the quality of the schools are suffering as well. The government is then supposed to step in with more money to make things equal. In Savage Inequalities Jonathan Kozol tells us about the foundation program which was set up, in the 1920’s, to make education equal for children of different social classes. This program gives money to schools in poor neighborhoods to make up for the lack of tax revenues for their own communities. The big problem is that the schools in wealthy communities also get money from the government which is not needed. Kozol also talks about some of the conditions of the schools in poorer communities, not enough books for the overcrowded classrooms, bathrooms which are so bad I would rather not mention, and the level of education itself. Over the years I have seen this scenario time and time again. I grew up in a city where there were more people than money, so my school and education suffered, but I knew other people living in wealthier communities who attended schools that were clean and didn’t have class sizes of 35 plus. Even if we are being taught to be obedient servants we should be able to be equal ones. Historian Joel Weinberg once said that the state could have done a better job if they didn’t even try at all. If the state treasurer would have randomly thrown checks from an airplane then things would have been more equal than they are right now.

In 1776 Thomas Jefferson wrote the Declaration of Independence and it states:
“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.—That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, —That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness”

These words were written to give citizens in this country a different life then the oppression that they had come from, but they no longer apply for the people today. I don’t feel like my country has given me my basic right of “Liberty” or helped me on my own “pursuit of Happiness,” actually it is the opposite. My government offered a free education to me, but it was not entirely free. It was forced, and came with many laws and rules. It did not help me to participate in society, but rather taught me not to want to. The only thing our educational system offers now is a way for the government to compare the progress of children in this country to others. It is important for us to look good even if we really are not. Even in a country like Cuba where people live under a horrible dictator, or at least that is what we are told, there is a 98% literacy rate. Can we say the same about our literacy rate? Definitely not! In China children learn multiple languages at a young age. We cannot say the same about our own children. In fact some children here don’t even know how to use their native language, English. It is time for a new assessment of how children are educated within our schools. We need to do away with standardized testing, or at least the way it is used. We should be using that information to place children in classes with other children who are at a similar level, rather than placing them in classes determining where they should be because of age. Teachers should not be given a chance to become slackers through the use of tenure. We need to force our government to fund schools equally, so every child has similar opportunities; rich or poor. We need to force parents to be more involved in their children’s education, and why it should be valued. Also we need to provide an education to children that is worth valuing, and prepares them for a bright future. Children are our future, they are the people that will be providing for people like me in my old age, and I know I would rather have that be someone who has received a valuable education then not.

Essay#2- draft 2

America! The land of opportunity, or is it? Someone who took the time to look at our educational system might not think so. The educational system was set up in this country to educate citizens, so they would be able to participate within society, but over the years that idea has seemed to fade. In “The Educated Student: Global Citizen or Global Consumer?” Benjamin R. Barber points out the importance of education and why our public educational system was developed. He states “Whether you look at Thomas Jefferson in Virginia or John Adams in Massachusetts, there was widespread agreement that the new republic, for all of the cunning of its inventive and experimental new Constitution, could not succeed unless the citizenry was well educated.” Now when you look at our educational system you wonder what that education is really for; do we really get to participate, and if so, how? Many people see education as a way for the government/media to control citizens than let them actually make changes in this country. John Taylor Gatto says in Against School: How public education cripples our kids, and why, that our educational system actually keeps people from growing up, and creates a bunch of obedient children. Gatto says that “I had more than enough reason to think of our schools with their long-term, cell-block-style, forced confinement of both students and teachers as virtual factories of childness.” I know I don’t look back on my experience in the public schools and get happy thoughts. Instead I look at Gatto’s description and think about my own experience of educational prison! I was never taught to grow up, think for myself, on the other hand I was taught to be dependent on a system that wants me to be that exact way; obedient! During this process of making us subservient citizens we are also keep unequal by our educational system. The way funding to the schools in this country does not provide the opportunity for all schools to be entirely equal because schools are funded mostly by the community they are located in and that may vary significantly from community to community. Financial background has everything to do with the person you will become because it determines the resources that will be available to you. This is why the educational system set up by our government has failed us as Americans in so many ways, for it has created a bunch of obedient servants who are separate not equal.
Over the course of history education has gone through many changes, although it started with a specific goal in mind, which was to prepare children for their futures. Education was something that mainly took place in the home in the days of the settlers, and the education that one would receive would be determined by many factors. It was not the traditional type of education we know of today, rather it was practical. A person learned what they needed to survive. If you were female, you learned to cook and tend to the house. If you were male then you would usually learn the trade of your father, or become an apprentice. As things progressed in our history and we were developing our system of government it was thought that education was a major factor, and when I take a look at our Constitution I know why. The wording alone is enough to confuse the real meaning for me. It was thought by our founding fathers that an educated citizenry would help keep this country in the hands of the people and keep Britain out. They also saw it as a basic right that everyone would be able to obtain, hence public education, funded by a government of the people for the people. But something happened along the way. Over the history of this country education evolved, but not necessarily in a good way.
In the early 1900’s education became more controlling through different theories, or systems of education. Gatto gives examples of events in history that show that our educational system moved toward a system similar to what was already being used in Prussia, which was purposely set up to control citizens in that country. As shocking as this may be it makes sense, and I believe it to be true. Gatto states “But what shocks is that we should so eagerly have adopted one of the very worst aspects of Prussian culture: an educational system deliberately designed to produce mediocre intellects, to hamstring the inner life, to deny students appreciable leadership skills, and to ensure docile and incomplete citizens 11 in order to render the populace “manageable.”” Many “experts,” as well as myself, would agree that our government is trying to keep us manageable. Just think back to first grade and how often you got in trouble for not raising your hand before speaking, or getting up from your desk, even if the teacher was not acknowledging you in the first place. Another reason children get in trouble in school is by stating opinions that vary from the teachers. I can remember being told I was off topic because my views didn’t match that of the teacher, or I was just asking for an expansion of their views. In The Function of the Schools Noam Chomsky says that the model for education today is set up like an educational assembly line. That we don’t encourage our children to think for themselves, but tell them learn this and if you don’t then you’re a behavior problem. So now that we are obedient servants that know nothing, and are kept manageable by our government can it get any worse? The answer is yes it can.
Education is also something that keeps the citizens in this country unequal, and has been for some time because of the way the funds are distributed. Schools in this country are supposed to be funded by property taxes, as well as the tax revenues from local businesses. Anyone can take a look around from city to city and see how that can make a difference in the amount of money schools are getting in each. In basic terms if the city looks good then the schools probably are too, but if it looks bad then most likely the quality of the schools are suffering as well. The government is then supposed to step in with more money to make things equal. In Savage Inequalities Jonathan Kozol tells us about the foundation program which was set up, in the 1920’s, to make education equal for children of different social classes. This program gives money to schools in poor neighborhoods to make up for the lack of tax revenues for their own communities. The big problem is that the schools in wealthy communities also get money from the government which is not needed. Kozol also talks about some of the conditions of the schools in poorer communities, not enough books for the overcrowded classrooms, bathrooms which are so bad I would rather not mention, and the level of education itself. Over the years I have seen this scenario time and time again. I grew up in a city where there were more people than money, so my school and education suffered, but I knew other people living in wealthier communities who attended schools that were clean and didn’t have class sizes of 35 plus. Even if we are being taught to be obedient servants we should be able to be equal ones. Historian Joel Weinberg once said that the state could have done a better job if they didn’t even try at all. If the state treasurer would have randomly thrown checks from an airplane then things would have been more equal than they are right now.
In 1776 Thomas Jefferson wrote the Declaration of Independence and it states:
“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.—That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, —That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness”
These words were written to give citizens in this country a different life then the oppression that they had come from, but they no longer apply for the people today. I don’t feel like my country has given me my basic right of “Liberty” or help me on my own “pursuit of Happiness,” actually it is the opposite. My government offered a free education to me, but it was not entirely free. It was forced, and came with many laws and rules. It did not help me to participate in society, but rather taught me not to want to. The only thing our educational system offers now is a way for the government to compare the progress of children in this country to others. It is important for us to look good even if we really are not. Even in a country like Cuba where people live under a horrible dictator or at least that is what we are told, there is a 98% literacy rate. Can we say the same about our literacy rate? Definitely not! In China children learn multiple languages at a young age. We cannot say the same about our own children. In fact some children here don’t even know how to use their native language, English. It is time for a new assessment of how children are educated within our schools. We need to do away with standardized testing, or at least the way it is used. We should be using that information to place children in classes with other children who are at a similar level, rather than placing them in classes determining where they should be because of age. Teachers should not be given a chance to become slackers through the use of ten year. We need to force our government to fund schools equally, so every child has similar opportunities; rich or poor. We need to force parents to be more involved in their children’s education, and why it should be valued. Also we need to provide an education to children that is worth valuing, and prepares them for a bright future. Children are our future, they are the people that will be providing for people like me in my old are, and I know I would rather have that be someone who has received a valuable education then not.

Essay #2 Draft 1

America! The land of opportunity, or is it? Someone who took the time to look at our educational system might not think so. The educational system was set up in this country to educate citizens, so they would be able to participate within society, but over the years that idea has seemed to fade. In “The Educated Student: Global Citizen or Global Consumer?” Benjamin R. Barber points out the importance of education and why our public educational system was developed. He states “Whether you look at Thomas Jefferson in Virginia or John Adams in Massachusetts, there was widespread agreement that the new republic, for all of the cunning of its inventive and experimental new Constitution, could not succeed unless the citizenry was well educated.” Now when you look at our educational system you wonder what that education is really for; do we really get to participate, and if so, how? Many people see education as a way for the government/media to control citizens than let them actually make changes in this country. John Taylor Gatto says in How public education cripples our kids, and why, that our educational system actually keeps people from growing up, and creates a bunch of obedient children. Gatto says that “I had more than enough reason to think of our schools with their long-term, cell-block-style, forced confinement of both students and teachers as virtual factories of childness.” I know I don’t look back on my experience in the public schools and get happy thoughts. Instead I look at Gatto’s description and think about my own experience of educational prison! I was never taught to grow up, think for myself, on the other hand I was taught to be dependent on a system that wants me to be that exact way; obedient! During this process of making us subservient citizens we are also keep unequal by our educational system. The way funding to the schools in this country does not provide the opportunity for all schools to be entirely equal because schools are funded mostly by the community they are located in and that may vary significantly from community to community. Financial background has everything to do with the person you will become because it determines the resources that will be available to you. This is why the educational system set up by our government has failed us as Americans in so many ways, for it has created a bunch of obedient servants who are separate not equal.
Over the course of history education has gone through many changes, although it started with a specific goal in mind, which was to prepare children for their futures. Education was something that mainly took place in the home in the days of the settlers, and the education that one would receive would be determined by many factors. It was not the traditional type of education we know of today, rather it was practical. A person learned what they needed to survive. If you were female, you learned to cook and tend to the house. If you were male then you would usually learn the trade of your father, or become an apprentice. As things progressed in our history and we were developing our system of government it was thought that education was a major factor, and when I take a look at our constitution I know why. The wording alone is enough to confuse the real meaning for me. It was thought by our founding fathers that an educated citizenry would help keep this country in the hands of the people and keep Britain out. They also saw it as a basic right that everyone would be able to obtain, hence public education, funded by a government of the people for the people. But something happened along the way. Over the history of this country education evolved, but not necessarily in a good way.
In the early 1900’s education became more controlling through different theories, or systems of education. Gatto gives examples of events in history that show that our educational system moved toward a system similar to what was already being used in Prussia, which was purposely set up to control citizens in that country. As shocking as this may be it makes sense, and I believe it to be true. Gatto states “But what shocks is that we should so eagerly have adopted one of the very worst aspects of Prussian culture: an educational system deliberately designed to produce mediocre intellects, to hamstring the inner life, to deny students appreciable leadership skills, and to ensure docile and incomplete citizens 11 in order to render the populace “manageable.”” Many “experts,” as well as myself, would agree that our government is trying to keep us manageable. Just think back to first grade and how often you got in trouble for not raising your hand before speaking, or getting up from your desk, even if the teacher was not acknowledging you in the first place. Another reason children get in trouble in school is by stating opinions that vary from the teachers. I can remember being told I was off topic because my views didn’t match that of the teacher, or I was just asking for an expansion of their views. In The Function of the Schools Noam Chomsky says that the model for education today is set up like an educational assembly line. That we don’t encourage our children to think for themselves, but tell them learn this and if you don’t then you’re a behavior problem. Chomsky talks about The Closing of the American Mind which is Allen Bloom’s model of education and is quite popular. I have heard this model mentioned by many different authors in the field of education. Chomsky says “what that book is basically saying is that education ought to be set up like some sort of Marine Corps, in which you just march the students through a canon of “great thoughts” that are picked out for everyone.” He says that with this model “that the effect of that is that students will end up knowing and understanding virtually nothing.” So now that we are obedient servants that know nothing, and are kept manageable by our government can it get any worse? The answer is yes it can.
Education is also something that keeps the citizens in this country unequal, and has been for some time because of the way the funds are distributed. Schools in this country are supposed to be funded by property taxes, as well as the tax revenues from local businesses. Anyone can take a look around from city to city and see how that can make a difference in the amount of money schools are getting in each. In basic terms if the city looks good then the schools probably are too, but if it looks bad then most likely the quality of the schools are suffering as well. The government is then supposed to step in with more money to make things equal.In Savage Inequalities Jonathan Kozol tells us about the foundation program which was set up, in the 1920’s, to make education equal for children of different social classes. This program gives money to schools in poor neighborhoods to make up for the lack of tax revenues for their own communities. The big problem is that the schools in wealthy communities also get money from the government which is not needed. Kozol also talks about some of the conditions of the schools in poorer communities, not enough books for the overcrowded classrooms, bathrooms which are so bad I would rather not mention, and the level of education itself. Over the years I have seen this scenario time and time again. I grew up in a city where there were more people than money, so my school and education suffered, but I knew other people living in wealthier communities who attended schools that were clean and didn’t have class sizes of 35 plus. Even if we are being taught to be obedient servants we should be able to be equal ones. Historian Joel Weinberg once said that the state could have done a better job if they didn’t even try at all. If the state treasurer would have randomly thrown checks from an airplane then things would have been more equal than they are right now.

Difficulty Paper #2

In chapter one of They Say I Say Gerald Graff, Cathy Birkenstein, and Russel Durst talk about how people write their own opinions without giving any other people’s views to support them. The authors say that without giving sources for your claim your agreement is not valid, or at least people might not think it is. They say “that to give writing the most important thing of all—namely, a point—a writer needs to indicate clearly not only his or her thesis, but also what larger conversation that thesis is responding to.” I don’t have difficulty in this concept, but I am still a little unclear, after reading this chapter, of how much of what “they say” needs to balance with what “I say?” How much support do I need to justify my argument? The authors introduce templates to achieve this task, and while handy, they’re kind of generic. I don’t feel like using them will help me relate my ideas, or maybe there is a bigger picture that I’m missing. There are twelve more chapters to expand my mind, so maybe it’s to come in time. The templates seem to indicate that every statement that uses “I say” must come with a “they Say.” But that seems like a lot of someone else’s information competing with my own, and it is my essay; Right? I tried, after reading this chapter, to go back and re-read one of my essay’s, and keep in mind what they had said about including support. I had quotes and used paraphrasing, but was it enough? It seemed to me like I had enough support, and I thought maybe I have just learned this lesson during my experience of writing and probably through reading as well. Now I feel unclear of my ability to support my argument, and wonder what others would think. What would the authors say if they read my essay? Difficult as it is to produce, I know why there is a need for a strong thesis. I can read other peoples paper and can usually pick out a thesis right away, if there is one. With my own writing I always question the clarity. I have read many essays and said “what’s the point?” but with my own writing I know what the point is supposed to be before I even write, so the question is “did I get that across.” I’m sure the authors have more to teach me, and hope that in time my difficulty will become clear.

3. My own experiences in high school affirm Gatto's argument that schools function to "habituate" students to authority.

Gatto says that public schools are machines that produce obedient citizens that conform to society. I agree with this because my experience in public school was this way. I never felt like school helped me to find my path in life. It told me to get a job, whatever that may be, and pay my taxes. There were no inspirational classes though, that would teach me what kind of job I might like. I learned only the basics of math, reading, and writing, and the way those subjects were taught were by the book. There were no inspirational ways of thinking involved either, just memorization. Well what if I am not good at memorization, like so many other Americans? In my experience I was just out of luck. The only time I was inspired was when I dropped below a C average, and I wouldn’t be able to graduate; and how was I inspired? Do better, that is what I was told, but there was nothing about how I should achieve that.

Difficulty Paper #3

John Taylor Gatto says in How public education cripples our kids, and why, that teachers and students are bored in the public schools. He says if you ask the students why they are bored, they would blame the teachers, and if you ask the teachers why they are bored, they would say it is because of the students. I agree with this. I was very bored in the public schools. I felt like teachers taught some predetermined curriculum that they were forced to teach. There was no imagination involved, and definitely no practical skills were gained. Gatto talks about something his grandfather said to him at age seven about boredom, which was “The obligation to amuse and instruct myself was entirely my own, and people who didn’t know that were childish people, to be avoided if possible.” It is a person’s own responsibility to entertain oneself, and an important lesson to learn, for there may not always be someone around to take care of that for you. The difficulty I have with that statement is that these people should be avoided; what?! If this is an important lesson then shouldn’t we be teaching it, not avoiding the person who lacks those skills? He then goes on to talk about teaching that lesson to a few of his students during his thirty year teaching period. Maybe it’s just me, but that seems like a contradiction.

Gatto then talks about the history of our educational system, and how originally it was set up to educate citizens to participate within society. This is something that we all learn in elementary school when we learn about the Constitution, but we don’t learn how the system has evolved over the years to become a factory line that produces obedient, childlike, citizens that can be controlled. Gatto says that if people never grow up then they will never question the system, such as government and big business. He gives examples of events in history that show that our educational system moved toward a system similar to what was already being used in Prussia. I found this very interesting, and as shocking as Gatto did when he first learned this. Gatto states “But what shocks is that we should so eagerly have adopted one of the very worst aspects of Prussian culture: an educational system deliberately designed to produce mediocre intellects, to hamstring the inner life, to deny students appreciable leadership skills, and to ensure docile and incomplete citizens 11 in order to render the populace “manageable.”” When look back on my own experience in the public schools, I feel like I was an obedient drown after I left. Thankfully I can say that has changed over the years by continuing my own education and a little luck in the people that I have encountered in my life. But what about the people who were not so lucky?

Gatto Says it is the responsibility of parents to teach their children methods to counteract the teachings in the public schools, but I think that is unfair. Why should parents send their children to school at all if they hold all the responsibility for their children to learn? If this is the case than public schools would only serve the purpose of a giant daycare. Shouldn’t we be trying to change the system if it is faulty? I have read so many articles like this one and they all talk about how the system is flawed. But no one ever talks about how to fix it. I feel like all these teachers, rather than just writing about it, should do something. What have they done? Even if it failed shouldn’t the attempt for change be mentioned? I think so because it inspires people to keep trying. Maybe if all these writers of, how education fails our children, would get together then their joint effort could force a change. We can’t just give up on public schools and tell parents to fix their own children, for than the system has failed altogether and should just be disbanded entirely.

Final Draft

Revision is a process that every writer must go through to produce something worth reading. Journalists, student writers, or someone just writing an email perform this task because it’s important that the people who are going to be reading what had been written understands it. There is no point in writing anything without being able to convey its meaning, and there are rules for this. In fact there are many rules, so many that there are books written on the subject of how to write. As a student we have to take many classes to learn how to write, and to some extent think; I know I did. There are many different ways of performing the practice of revision, and they are all a little intimidating. Where does a person start? All of sudden you are looking at your own random thoughts spewed all over the page, and thinking to yourself what does this mean? Well most often it means nothing unless you fix it up a little. In "Revision Strategies of Student Writers and Experienced Adult Writers," Nancy Sommers explains and gives examples of the differences between people who have been writing for a while, “the experienced writer” and those learning “the student writer.” Sommer's states that while she was interviewing these two groups that students said they did not revise their writing, while experienced writers revised their writing time and time again until they had something worth letting someone else read. Though I can relate to comments from each group in Sommer’s article, I fail to see the difference between the two because of the vagueness of who is included in them. It is my experience as a student and an experienced writer that they are the same. Because revision is a process of learning in itself, making us all students; for every person betters their work while performing it. Experienced or student; we all revise to a certain extent no matter what you call it.

In “Revision Strategies of Student Writers and Experienced Adult Writers,” Sommers tells us that the difference between the student and experienced writer, which she says is basically the process of revision. Sommers interviewed different people from those two groups, and found that students didn’t use the word revision. These students said that after they finished an assignment they would read through it again, but that they were basically looking to see if they could have made a better word choice. It seemed from the examples given that these students just wanted to use bigger words to make themselves sound more studious. The experienced students that Sommers interviewed said that they would revise what they had written many times before they could say it was done. She concluded that students put too much emphasis on words, where the people with more experience looked more at the content of what they were trying to say.

Over the years I was taught many different ways of revising by many different people. High School is a blur; it was thirteen years ago, and I think all I can recall is that there was not a lot expected from me in the areas of critical reading and writing. I do know that this affected me later in life when I entered into college. I was told, after my assessment that the first English class I attended would not even count towards my degree. I got an awesome teacher though, and I personally have learned more from him about revision than anywhere else. The most important resource I got from him was to not be afraid to ask for help, and that anything written can always be better. An example of an experienced writer from sommer’s article says “It is a matter of looking at the kernel of what I have written, the content, and then thinking about it, responding to it, making decisions, and actually restructuring it.” In my class we were taught to look for the context of what we write first. To ask questions like, did I achieve the task at hand? Were all the questions answered? Is it clear what I was trying to express? During this process I was taught to ignore spelling and punctuation, for those things mean nothing if there is no clarity. We first practiced organization by doing an outline, which would include; an introduction with a statement that would hook in our reader, body paragraphs with topic sentences, and a thesis statement. We would have discussions in class and exchange ideas, and then join our ideas with our outline. The teacher would make us put our thesis statements on the board and we would talk about the clarity and inclusiveness of the whole topic. We worked in writing groups where we would read our essays out loud to one another to look for mistakes or missing elements. When that part seemed good then we moved on to punctuation, and grammar. We were also encouraged to visit the tutoring center at the school which was very helpful. There you were able to sit down one on one with someone and pick apart every aspect of your essay.

After taking advantage of the services of the tutoring center I decided to join them. Being a tutor helped to enforce what I already learned by practicing it on a daily basis. I went to writing seminars where we would practice different elements of writing, and there seemed to always be something new that I would pick up. We were tested on writing elements often, and given handouts on how we could improve. It was not a class, so there was no pressure for a grade. While working there I read hundreds of essays, and this introduced me to other styles. I learned to revise; I had to because I had to teach it to others. The students that I would meet had different ideas about revision. Most of them would bring me a paper and expect me to proof read for them, but that wasn’t part of my job title. In fact it was discouraged, and could even get you fired. The mission was to improve the voice of the writer, to help with organization and content of their essay, and to make sure that they included all the elements of the assignment. Some students would come in expecting this kind of help, and some didn’t. It was always a combination of the two and never one or the other. All students were experienced in some aspects of writing, making them experienced student writers.

One experienced writer in Sommers article said, “I like the idea that a piece of writing is never finished, just abandoned.” I like this idea too! Anything that has ever been written could have been a little better with one more draft, though there does come a time when it’s necessary to just move on. I was taught this as a student, so I relate to it, but I am still a student. Sommer’s states “students understand the revision process as a rewording activity,” but not all students do. Students can be experienced writers and experienced writers can be students. It is unfair to either group to say that one doesn’t go with the other. Sommers use of the terms “student” and “experienced” that describe the writers are to vague. How does she define the difference between the two? Though I do like the examples she used and I agree that there are students who do not understand how to revise at all, I believe most do.

Essay 1 Draft 2

Draft #2

Revision is a process that every writer must go through to produce something worth reading. Journalists, student writers, or someone just writing an email perform this task because it’s important that the people who are going to be reading what had been written understands it. There is no point in writing anything without being able to convey its meaning, and there are rules for this. In fact there are many rules, so many that there are books written on the subject of how to write. As a student we have to take many classes to learn how to write, and to some extent think; I know I did. There are many different ways of performing the practice of revision, and they are all a little intimidating. Where does a person start? All of sudden you are looking at your own random thoughts spewed all over the page, and thinking to yourself what does this mean? Well most often it means nothing unless you fix it up a little. In Revision Strategies of Student Writers and Experienced Writers, Nancy Sommers explains and gives examples of the differences between people who have been writing for a while, “the experienced writer” and those learning, “the student writer.” Sommer's states that while she was interviewing these two groups that students said they did not revise their writing, while experienced writers revised their writing time and time again until they had something worth letting someone else read. I fail to see the difference because of the vagueness of whom is included in her groups. It is my experience as a student and an experienced writer that they are the same because revision is a process of learning in itself, for every person betters their work while performing it. Experienced or student writer, and we all revise to a certain extent no matter what you call it.

In “Revision Strategies of Student Writers and Experienced Writers,” Nancy Sommers tells us that the difference between the student and experienced writer, which is basically the process of revision. Sommers interviewed different people from those two groups, and found that students didn’t use the word revision. These students said that after they finished an assignment they would read through it again, but that they were basically looking to see if they could have made a better word choice. It seemed from the examples given that these students just wanted to use bigger words to make themselves sound more studious. The experienced students that Sommers interviewed said that they would revise what they had written many times before they could say it was done. She concluded that students put too much emphasis on words, where the people with more experience looked more at the content of what they were trying to say.

Over the years I was taught many different ways of revising by many different people. High School is a blur; it was thirteen years ago, and I think all I can recall is that there was not a lot expected from me in the areas of critical reading and writing. I do know that this affected me later in life when I entered into college. I was told, after my assessment that the first English class I attended would not even count towards my degree. I got an awesome teacher though, and I personally have learned more from him about revision than anywhere else. The most important resource I got from him was to not be afraid to ask for help, and that anything written can always be better. An example of an experienced writer from sommer’s article says “It is a matter of looking at the kernel of what I have written, the content, and then thinking about it, responding to it, making decisions, and actually restructuring it.” In my class we were taught to look for the context of what we write first. To ask questions like, did I achieve the task at hand? Were all the questions answered? Is it clear what I was trying to express? During this process I was taught to ignore spelling and punctuation, for those things mean nothing if there is no clarity. We first practiced organization by doing an outline, which would include; an introduction with a statement that would hook in our reader, body paragraphs with topic sentences, and a thesis statement. We would have discussions in class and exchange ideas, and then join our ideas with our outline. The teacher would make us put our thesis statements on the board and we would talk about the clarity and inclusiveness of the whole topic. We worked in writing groups where we would read our essays out loud to one another to look for mistakes or missing elements. When that part seemed good then we moved on to punctuation, and grammar. We were also encouraged to visit the tutoring center at the school which was very helpful. There you were able to sit down one on one with someone and pick apart every aspect of your essay.

After taking advantage of the services of the tutoring center I decided to join them. Being a tutor helped to enforce what I already learned by practicing it on a daily basis. I went to writing seminars where we would practice different elements of writing, and there seemed to always be something new that I would pick up. We were tested on writing elements often, and given handouts on how we could improve. It was not a class, so there was no pressure for a grade. While working there I read hundreds of essays, and this introduced me to other styles. I learned to revise; I had to because I had to teach it to others. The students that I would meet had different ideas about revision. Most of them would bring me a paper and expect me to proof read for them, but that wasn’t part of my job title. In fact it was discouraged, and could even get you fired. The mission was to improve the voice of the writer, to help with organization and content of their essay, and to make sure that they included all the elements of the assignment. Other students would come in expecting this kind of help.

One experienced writer in Sommers article said, “I like the idea that a piece of writing is never finished, just abandoned.” I like this idea too! Anything that has ever been written could have been a little better with one more draft, though there does come a time when it’s necessary to just move on. I was taught this as a student, so I relate to it, but I am still a student. Sommer’s states “students understand the revision process as a rewording activity,” but not all students do. Students can be experienced writers and experienced writers can be students. It is unfair to either group to say that one doesn’t go with the other. Sommers use of the terms “student” and “experienced” that describe the writers are to vague. How does she define the difference between the two? Though I do like the examples she used and I agree that there are students who do not understand how to revise, some do.

In-class free write

1. The arguement that I am trying to make is that there is a process to revision and how I personally revise my own essay's while compairing it to the text Revision Stratigies of Student Writers and Experienced Adult Writers by Nancy Sommers.

2. So far I have used the text by summerizing it and comparing my own experiences. I have one quote, but need more.

3. I have organized my draft so far by introducing the articale and the idea of revision. Next I talk about my experience of being a student writer. Then I talk about what methods I have learned and where. Next I give a another example of my learning process for revision.

4. So far I feel like my draft is a little unorganized. It needs a stronger thesis statment and more qoutes. I can't think of one sentence that stands out to right now, but I'm sure there is one.

5. I would like feed back on the organization of my paper. I am struggling with time needed to write this paper.

Essay # 1: How were you taught to revise? When you revise for school, do you tend to focus on micro issues, as the students in Sommers’ study did? Or do you focus on global issues of argument and audience, as the experienced writers in Sommers’ study did? How did you learn your revision techniques? Describe your writing process using Sommers' terms, and then analyze why you write the way you do. Use specific examples from both Sommers' research and your own experiences.

Draft #1

Revision is a process that every writer must go through to produce something worth reading. Journalists, student writers, or someone just writing an email perform this task because it’s important that the people who are going to be reading what had been written understands it. There is no point in writing anything without being able to convey its meaning, and there are rules for this. In fact there are many rules, so many that there are books written on the subject of how to write. As a student we have to take many classes to learn how to write, and to some extent think. There are many different ways of performing the practice of revision, and they are all a little intimidating. Where does a person start? All of sudden you are looking at your own random thoughts spewed all over the page, and thinking to yourself what does this mean? Well most often it means nothing unless you fix it up a little. In Revision Strategies of Student Writers and Experienced Writers, Nancy Sommers explains and gives examples of the differences between people who have been writing for a while and those just learning. Sommer's states that while she was interviewing these two groups that students said they did not revise their writing, while experienced writers revised their writing time and time again until they had something worth letting someone else read. One experienced writer said, “I like the idea that a piece of writing is never finished, just abandoned.” I like this idea too! Anything that has ever been written could have been a little better with one more draft, though there does come a time when it’s necessary to just move on.

Over the years I was taught many different ways of revising by many different people. Students, teachers, friends, even my mom, have their own ways of rewriting. Some people take days, weeks even to revise, and some just glance over the page. What I learned in High School is a blur. It was thirteen years ago, and I think all I can recall is that there was not a lot expected from me. I do know that this affected me later in life when I entered into college. I was told, after my assessment that the first English class I attended would not even count towards my degree. I got an awesome teacher though, and I personally have learned more from him about revision than anywhere else. The most important resource I got from him was to not be afraid to ask for help, and that anything written can always be better. In class he taught us to look for the context of what we write first. To ask questions like, did I achieve the task at hand? Were all the questions answered? Is it clear what I was trying to express? During this process I was taught to ignore spelling and punctuation, for those things mean nothing if there is no clarity. We first practiced organization by doing an outline, which would include; an introduction with a statement that would hook in our reader, body paragraphs with topic sentences, and a thesis statement. We would have discussions in class and exchange ideas, and then join our ideas with our outline. The teacher would make us put our thesis statements on the board and we would talk about the clarity and inclusiveness of the whole topic. We worked in writing groups where we would read our essays out loud to one another to look for mistakes or missing elements. When that part seemed good then we moved on to punctuation, and grammar. We were also encouraged to visit the tutoring center at the school which was very helpful. There you were able to sit down one on one with someone and pick apart every aspect of your essay.

After taking advantage of the services of the tutoring center I decided to join them. Being a tutor helped to enforce what I already learned by practicing it on a daily basis. I went to writing seminars where we would practice different elements of writing, and there seemed to always be something new that I would pick up. We were tested on writing elements often, and given handouts on how we could improve. It was not a class, so there was no pressure for a grade. While working there I read hundreds of essays, and this introduced me to other styles. I learned to revise; I had to because I had to teach it to others. The students that I would meet had different ideas about revision. Most of them would bring me a paper and expect me to proof read for them, but that wasn’t part of my job title. In fact it was discouraged, and could even get you fired. The mission was to improve the voice of the writer, to help with organization and content of their essay, and to make sure that they included all the elements of the assignment.

Difficuly Paper #1

In “Revision Strategies of Student Writers and Experienced Writers,” Nancy Sommers tells us that the difference between the student and experienced writer is basically the process of revision. Sommers interviewed different people from those two groups, and found that students didn’t use the word revision. These students said that after they finished an assignment they would read through it again, but that they were basically looking to see if they could have made a better word choice. It seemed from the examples given that these students just wanted to use bigger words to make themselves sound more studious. The experienced students that Sommers interviewed said that they would revise what they had written many times before they could say it was done. She concluded that students put too much emphasis on words, where the people with more experience looked more at the content of what they were trying to say.

I liked the examples of the experienced writers that Sommers used. I felt like I could relate to them because I personally may write the same paper five times before I turn it in for a grade. These examples gave me confidence in my own experience of writing because it reminded me that I’m not alone in this process.

Since this article was about student writers, and I am one myself, let me give my definition of what I think revision is; the process of actively re-reading and re-writing looking specifically for clarity of my argument and the main points that I am trying to convey. I do use words like re-write, or revise because I believe it is the most important process in writing.

The problem that I have with this essay is who are these students and where are they receiving their education? Why does Sommers say that most students don’t use the word revision? It seems like it’s a pretty common word in the terms of a person’s education. I am pretty sure the concept was introduced to me on my first day of college. I have a hard time believing that student writers don’t go through some process of revision besides just changing words. I don’t believe that a person can read through a paper that contains a bunch brain spew and says “that’s great, but I should change a few words.” I felt like students were not given enough credit as a group. They were dumbed down a bit. All of Sommers examples of student writers seemed to similar one another, as where the examples of experienced writers were very different.

I have tutored in the past, in English, and in my experience students have trouble with the content of their paper. They are still finding their voice, learning to express themselves through language, but I have never heard a student say, “Do you think I should change this word.” On the other hand, they’re worried about if they answered the questions that had been assigned by their teacher.